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English is the most widely used, if not most widely mastered, language in the world. We have collected examples of how English is creatively manipulated and mutilated all over the globe.

From a menu in Lörrach, Germany:

Dear customers,

Because the food prices have risen, We can no longer afford us the side dish that Rice or Noodles admit nothing.
Please order their side dish extra.

We ask for your understanding,

their ((restaurant))-Team.

 

From a menu in Cordoba, Spain:

Cheese of cheep
Ventresca of pretty
Shaken of mushroms and prawns
Espaguetis turned into charcoal
Pizza of bull
Prawns irons
Codfish gratinado to the garlic cream you pass and pinions

 

From The Georgia Straight:

Coca-Cola coffee subsidiary Georgia, in an attempt to market a new up-scale canned coffee for vending machines in Japan, combined the words "deep roasted" with "espresso" to come up with the brand name Deepresso.

 

From a sign in a pub window in Alicante, Spain:

Paint of lager, 3 euros.

 

From a sign outside a dental clinic in Bangkok, Thailand:

Attitude with the striking effects of contrasting.

 

From the International Herald Tribune:

Because of a translation error, an article in some editions Thursday misquoted Monica Frassoni, a member of the European Parliament, as comparing Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister, to Attila the Hun.
Frassoni, who represents a Belgian constituency but who spoke in Italian, said Berlusconi had arrived "alla guida dell'Unione." This was translated as "at the tiller of the union" which was misheard as "Attila."

 

From a Tuscan travel brochure:

Spending a holiday by Mazzocchi-Marilli's like to find the hospitality of old friends. Beside you can feel an atmosphere of thoughtlessness and light-heartedness, which only a Tuscan farm can offer.

 

On a banner stretched across the road in a town on the way to Davos, Switzerland, during World Economic Forum week:

Blow Job Party, January 23-28

 

Spain Gourmetour

Rainbow; serves 12

2 cod loin steaks, 2 medium potatoes, 1/2 red pepper, 1/2 green pepper, 1/2 zucchini, 1 onion, single cream, butter, 4 large slices bread

Poach the cod with half the onion for 1 minute, then set aside. Fry the chopped peppers, zucchini, and the remainder of the onion. add 2 tablespoons cream, then set aside. Meanwhile, cook the finely diced potato in a know of butter and cream until soft, then whizz in the blender...

 

From a Tunisian brochure offering trips to the Sahara:

The Sahara presents here under its aspect it most agreable, while curve and to dunes, with the gesis miniatures to very low houses, to encircle some by the sand, herds and tents bedouines scattered.
Nowhere elsewhere one does not see ppols as that Zaafrane or that sabria to limits of the sea of sand of the great Erg where the pources gush in full sand and widen in small ponds encircled some palm trees.

 

From the menu of the Restaurant Egipte in Barcelona, Spain:

Hearts of lettuce salad with goddess green sauce.

 

From an English-language driver's manual for foreigners in the Republic of Korea:

Drivers must not allow passengers to make noise or disorder such as dancing on vehicles to the degree of interrupting safe driving.

 

From a brochure at the Hotel Centrale Byron, Ravenna Italy:

under the heading "Reporting other Breakings":

We kindly ask you to dial the proper number.

 

On the menu at the Trattoria del Tritone in Rome:

Buffalo Balls Mozzarella

 

From a sign at Cheap Charlie's Bar in Bangkok, Thailand:

Now having female toilet; please do not shit only pee

(Sent in by Rene Holzer)

 

From a response to an inquiry about accommodation:

I am amazingly diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with balcony imminent to the romantic gorge, and I hope that you want to drop in. A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps, so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed.

 

From a European Holiday brochure:

Having freshly taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a french window in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here, you shall be well fed-up and agreeably drunk. Our charges for weekly visitors are scarcely creditable. Peculiar arrangements for gross parties, our motto is to serve you right!

 

A sign from a monastery on Aegina, Greece:

It's strickly forbitten to enter into the monastery men with shorts and women with trousers or half-naked.

 

A recipe from a paella pan fridge magnet bought in Spain:

Finely chop the onions and brown on rit healed in "Paella" cortingdish. Add the tomatoes prawns feons and carjennt pepper. Corb for appros 10 minutes. Add the fish rausage and chicken miaing all together.
Put in the rice and pour baiting water (about doulle volume tree). Leoson sal gratic partey. Limofort 20 minutes all liquid up. Decorte sitig of paper sever medi in the "Paella" coting dish.

 

From the Taipan Hotel in Bangkok, Thailand:

Please maintain temperature a 1 degree from 25, any higher or lower will only make the room hotter or colder.

 

Have an example of abused English you'd like to share? Send us an e-mail and we'll include it on this page.