Broken English
English is the most widely used, if not most widely mastered, language in the world. Watch this space as we collect new examples of how English is creatively manipulated and mutilated all over the globe.
From a menu in Cordoba, Spain:
Cheese of cheep
Ventresca of pretty
Shaken of mushroms and prawns
Espaguetis turned into charcoal
Pizza of bull
Prawns irons
Codfish gratinado to the garlic cream you pass and pinions
From The Georgia Straight:
Coca-Cola coffee subsidiary Georgia, in an attempt to market a new up-scale canned coffee for vending machines in Japan, combined the words "deep roasted" with "espresso" to come up with the brand name Deepresso.
From a sign in a pub window in Alicante, Spain:
Paint of lager, 3 euros.
From a sign outside a dental clinic in Bangkok:
Attitude with the striking effects of contrasting.
From the International Herald Tribune:
Because of a translation error, an article
in some editions Thursday misquoted Monica Frassoni, a member of the
European Parliament, as comparing Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime
Minister, to Attila the Hun.
Frassoni, who represents a Belgian constituency
but who spoke in Italian, said Berlusconi had arrived "alla guida
dell'Unione." This was translated as "at the tiller of the
union" which was misheard as "Attila."
From a Tuscan travel brochure:
Spending a holiday by Mazzocchi-Marilli's like to find the hospitality of old friends. Beside you can feel an atmosphere of thoughtlessness and light-heartedness, which only a Tuscan farm can offer.
On a banner stretched across the road in a town on the way to Davos, Switzerland, during World Economic Forum week:
Blow Job Party, January 23-28
Rainbow; serves 12
2 cod loin steaks, 2 medium potatoes, 1/2 red pepper, 1/2 green pepper, 1/2 zucchini, 1 onion, single cream, butter, 4 large slices bread
Poach the cod with half the onion for 1 minute, then set aside. Fry the chopped peppers, zucchini, and the remainder of the onion. add 2 tablespoons cream, then set aside. Meanwhile, cook the finely diced potato in a know of butter and cream until soft, then whizz in the blender...
Spain Gourmetour
The other product is an Iranian laundry detergent called: ''Barf.'' Right on the box, in big red letters, it says: ''Barf.'' It also says: "To obtain best result soak very dirty clothes in a solution of Barf for a few minutes and then proceed normally.''
Dave Barry, The Miami Herald
From a Tunisian brochure offering trips to the Sahara:
The Sahara presents here under its
aspect it most agreable, while curve and to dunes, with the gesis
miniatures to very low houses, to encircle some by the sand, herds
and tents bedouines scattered.
Nowhere elsewhere one does not see ppols
as that Zaafrane or that sabria to limits of the sea of sand of the great Erg
where the pources gush in full sand and widen in small ponds encircled some
palm trees.
From the menu of the Restaurant Egipte in Barcelona, Spain:
Hearts of lettuce salad with goddess green sauce.
From an English-language driver's manual for foreigners in the Republic of Korea:
Drivers must not allow passengers to make noise or disorder such as dancing on vehicles to the degree of interrupting safe driving.
From a brochure at the Hotel Centrale Byron, Ravenna Italy:
under the heading "Reporting other Breakings":
We kindly ask you to dial the proper number.
On the menu at the Trattoria del Tritone in Rome:
Buffalo Balls Mozzarella
From a sign at Cheap Charlie's Bar in Bangkok, Thailand:
Now having female toilet; please do not shit only pee
(Sent in by Rene Holzer)
From a brochure at the Radisson SAS Palais, Vienna:
Please try our Royal Club room category with advantages such as:
-
Deluxe room and suites
Exclusive breakfast in a separate lounge
-
Newspaper on your doorknob
-
Welcome gift
-
Free use of fitness centre
-
Bathrobe and slippers
-
Cattle
(The New Yorker)
From an English-language menu at the Hotel Conde Duque, in Bilbao, Spain:
1. - TASTING
Chicken salad with Foie and greenness on cold melon cream and Serrano ham
Smoky salmon Terrina padded with pisto, marinated anchovies and avocado cream
Fried selection "Campo Volantin"
Padded artichoke with shrimps, on shellfish cream
Lasagna with eggplants, lamb gizzards and natural greenness
2. - A PLATE TO CHOOSE
1 - Hake in green sauce
2 - Cod to the pleasure
3 - Shave to the iron with garnish
4 - Entrecote to the pleasure
5 - Veal face in sauce
6 - Veal sirloin to the iron with granish
7 - Duck Magret with honey sauce
3.- Landlord prostrates
(The New Yorker)
From a response to an inquiry about accommodation:
I am amazingly diverted by your entreaty for a room. I can offer you a commodious chamber with balcony imminent to the romantic gorge, and I hope that you want to drop in. A vivacious stream washes my doorsteps, so do not concern yourself that I am not too good in bath, I am superb in bed.
From a European Holiday brochure:
Having freshly taken over the propriety of this notorious house, I am wishful that you remove to me your esteemed costume. Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a french window in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects. I give personal look to the interior wants of each guest. Here, you shall be well fed-up and agreeably drunk. Our charges for weekly visitors are scarcely creditable. Peculiar arrangements for gross parties, our motto is to serve you right!
A sign from a monastery on Aegina, Greece:
It's strickly forbitten to enter into the monastery men with shorts and women with trousers or half-naked.
A recipe from a paella pan fridge magnet bought in Spain:
Finely chop the onions and brown
on rit healed in "Paella" cortingdish. Add the tomatoes prawns feons
and carjennt pepper. Corb for appros 10 minutes. Add the fish rausage
and chicken miaing all together.
Put in the rice and pour baiting water (about
doulle volume tree). Leoson sal gratic partey. Limofort 20 minutes all liquid
up. Decorte sitig of paper sever medi in the "Paella" coting dish.
From the Taipan Hotel in Bangkok:
Please maintain temperature a 1 degree from 25, any higher or lower will only make the room hotter or colder.
(The Vancouver Sun)
Scandinavian vaccum manufacturer Electrolux used this slogan in its American ad campaign:
"Nothing sucks like an Electrolux".
The Mandarin translation of the movie title "The Full Monty" translates back into English as "Six Naked Pigs"
(London Daily Times)
From a church door in London, England:
This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door. This door kept locked because of the draft. (Please use side door.)
(The Vancouver Sun)
From a hotel sign in Sarajevo:
Guests should announce the abandonment of their rooms before 12 o'clock, emptying the room at the latest until 14 o'clock, for the use of the rooms before 5 at the arrival or after the 16 o'clock at the departure, will be billed as one night more.
Have an example of abused English you'd like to share? Send us an e-mail and we'll feature the best ones each month on this page.